my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
