you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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