I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
