I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
