It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize