and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
