she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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