third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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