it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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