You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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