and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
