So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
