I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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