I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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