I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize