The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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