I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
