im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
