my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
