yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
