I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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