you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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