He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
