Plan B is the new Plan A
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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