and you said cock pushups were impossible
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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