Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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