You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
