you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
