Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
