I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
