you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
