Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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