the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
