Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
