did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
