Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
