Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
