He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
