its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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