Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
