Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
