Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
