I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize