I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize