Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
