I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
