guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
