Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
