Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize