so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize