theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
a search helicopter?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
