There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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