no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
