I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
