I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
