I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
