i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my moral compass just broke
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
