Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
