Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
