You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
