never play flip cup with pint glasses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
