Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
