In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
