hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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