help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
