Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
