I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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