were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize