it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
