Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
