Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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