I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
