I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
