I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
