I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When are your genitals available?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
