Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
whose parrot is this?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
