Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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