I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
