I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
