I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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