I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
