id be glad to
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize